4TH

So it’s the fourth of July. And in keeping with all the fantasy shit that’s in most places on the internet. My first thought of the moring was me wishing I could tie some one over a bench in the park, stick a firecracker in thier ass, and light it.

Dark Eros

“Everyone has his or her own master of the dungeon who inflicts his special kind of pain: loneliness, unrequited love, jealousy, envy, grief. We speak easily of self torture, but dreams make is clear as do hallucinations of psychotic people, that the inner figure who tortures has a face or several faces. We might understand the telos of torture and the necessity of the Sadeian libertine who haunts the psyche. Often we overlook the libertine within because we assume that the torment is coming from the world, from another person, from some past trauma, or from some social ill. But this is nothing more than sophisticated scapegoat. If a person is suffering then there is someone turning the screws, someone whose job it is to tend the chamber of horrors.” Thomas Moore Dark Eros the Imagination of Sadism  

Finding the Dark Eros within me took a great deal of courage then one would believe. I was asked how could, I live with myself knowing that I enjoy inflicting pain on another’s? Although my sadism is a part of me, hence my life, it’s not all of my life. Living an M/s life or D/s life is not the norm for many people, but it is for a great deal of people. Sounds like an oxymoron, right? But really it’s not I define my life and although society tries to put me in a box all nice and neat so that it may feel comfortable. I refuse to accept or live in that box, albeit neat. Having that conversation started me to thinking. Why Dark Eros? Why embrace that which many may find frightening, even a little dangerous? How can I sleep knowing that I’m able to let the dragon within me out? I sleep fine although at times I suffer from writers block, but that’s over come with time. I have chosen to embrace the dragon, within me. To live a life that brings me joy. I’m a sadist. Not the De Sade kind of sadist; there’s not going to be murder at the end of the evening. The dictionary defines sadism as “the use of pain-inducing actions in order to arouse another to a heightened state of pleasure.” I  get off on whipping, paddling and inflicting as much pain as my partner can possible take, and pushing them just a little farther. Likewise I get off on hearing and seeing a great paddling, whipping and seeing anyone inflicting as much pain as their partner can take. Does this make me a bad person? To some maybe, but I don’t really care about those people. What I do to my partner is consensual, which means that I’m not the only one embracing that which brings me joy. There are many people in this world just like me. Like me they come from all walks of life, social and economics back rounds. Some may think of me a deviant or a pervert. And on some level that maybe true. But I think of myself as living within my Dark Eros.