Not Of The Body

The summer of my tenth year my life changed right before my eyes. I remember that summer more then any summer after that. That summer was like every summer my siblings and I spent with our Grandparents. As far back as I could remember on hot days after ripping and running with the boy my Grandfather would turn on the sprinklers in the yard and we would cool ourselves off in the water. Liking ices, and ribbing each other. But this summer, the summer I went to sleep with a fever, I woke up to a different body.

I had breast.

 

I spent most of the day inside, talking to the boys through the window. I didn’t want them to see me this way. I was ruined .

 

I got the courage to go outside, and while sitting watching every one play in the sprinkler, my Grandfather told me I would not be able to take off my shirt, “because I was girl.” A girl, I had no idea. All this time I though I was one of the boys, we had everything in common and I had noting in common, with my sister and girl cousins.

 

So there it was, I was not a boy after all, strong, confident, and out of control. The rest of the summer I was outside from the boys, they looked at me different, they barely talked to me, and when they did, it was short with their heads down, never looking at me.

 

Summer ended and it was back to “the city.” Fall turned to winter and during that time I watched and learned a lot.

 

The following summer at my Grandparents was different, not only was I a year older, but I was a girl. Strong, confident and totally in control of the boys.

 

And later that same summer I also realized I could be in control of some of the girls too.

 

Until next time Perverts 

The Gods Must Be Crazy

I have been working my ass off, so thank the Goddess I have plenty of it. I haven’t done much on the web. My “blog” quite, contributing to kinky sex links. I’ve only had time to post a response to DL King’s post. Email? Not answered, if folks who have my number call me I might have time for a quick chat. I knew there was a problem or something awry when I said to someone, “I’ve set aside time Sunday evening to return phone calls and answer emails.” I need more then a house boy I need a secretary.

One friend of mine left a message on my phone, threatening to come over to my place and kick my ass, if I didn’t call him back. I still haven’t returned his call. And I’m still waiting for that ass whipping. This evening I wanted to go to TES to meet the newly elected candidates and maybe get involved with some of the groups, since all positions are open. But my body was telling me to go home get some rest. If I had gone I might have become a chair person which would have added to my already full plate right now. I hate committing to something and not being able to follow through. Those damn work ethic.

 

It wouldn’t be too bad if I had a car, or at the very least someone to drive me around, but I don’t. So, my unlimited metro card and the MTA have been best friends. I’ll drag in make a turkey and cheese sandwich; hit the shower and the bed to sleep, perchance to dream. This in itself is difficult since I suffer form insomnia. Oh yeah, the life of a femdomme is wonderful.

 

I do think I have a health balance though. I committed to the ONYX PEARLS NE, I make it a point to support the dominant women’s submissive men’s group at TES. This month Lady M will be demystifying the single tail, which I think get a bad rap. I may bring mine, if I remember. And trampling will be happening at the end of the month as well. Got to go for that, nothing like stepping all over a guy, or gal. I’ve mentioned that I want to volunteer for New York Leather Weekend, got to send an email out about that. I’m a representative for my union local, and last but certainly not lest I have my spiritual commitments which keep me busy. I’m also looking for another job. Which as anyone whose looking knows is a full time job in itself. So I’m a bit tiered and impressed that I could find the energy to even write this.

Oh, and I almost forgot, I’m working on starting a blog about food and art.

 

But hey, Sunday’s coming and I’ve set some time aside.

 

The God’s must be crazy? Or my Aquarian is showing, maybe both?  

Until next time Perverts-Keep an health balance

Devaint

While drinking a Corona and making a puff pastry piazza I started thinking about myself. I had been tying up boys and girls and having my way with them, since I became sexual active. My guy at the time called me a sexual sadist. I remember letting him know right there and then that it was the tying up and hitting him that I got off on. The sex was just a benefit, like when you go to Macy’s and you get a free gift with purchase. When I was in my 20s I made two life changing decision. 1) I would never be ashamed of what I liked sexually and 2) I would not apologize for liking it.

 

This brings me to what I really want to write about. There’s some discussion on axe’s blog about him not finding what he wants in a relationship.  It dawned on me why is the focus on him? He’s fine, and makes no apologies for it. It’s really the women that are missing out on something good. He obviously doesn’t have a problem meeting women. But the women are passing on him, which says more about them. With the way all women bemoan at times about finding a great guy, it kills me that they can’t find it in them to have the kind of guy axe is.

 

Every girl drinks the cool aide they are given from their mother. Find a guy who treats you like a Queen. You would think with all the imagines of dominance displayed by women in the media and advertising, young women might think its okay to display this as their personality, if it is in their personality?

 

http://ldyraven.wordpress.com/the-theatre/

 

http://unspeakableaxe.com/?tag=found-femdom

 

Even across the pond they are getting their shit together, to a degree.

 

 http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1821863,00.html?iid=sphere-inline-sidebar

 

So, while thinking about myself and some others I know, I’ve come up with this:

If you haven’t experimented with your “deviant” urges while young, you may live a life of quite despair, until you’re much older a few kids and marriages later only to find that. Yep, you guessed it, maybe what you thought was “deviant,” not normal or just plain weird was not so deviant after all.

 

Until next time Perverts  

Friday Night

Lady Sabrina and I got to talk last night about what we wanted in a slave/submissive or bottom. We came up with the same things, which lead me to believe 1. I’m not crazy for wanting what I want and 2. I’m not the only one that bullshit happens to. Not that I thought I was. But due to family matters I had been out of the public scene as it were for some years. But most of what was here when I stepped away is still here. Okay I am a bit idealistic and thought most things would have changed. But alas I find only the season did.  This is some of the conversation we had. I didn’t bother to edit it or put who said what since we are on the same page most of the time.And not to worry we did also talk about what goes on, on the other side of the whip. Which I’ll get to in another post. 

_____________________________________________________________ 

It comes down to this, know thy self. Guys usually say they are submissive and they really aren’t. The same hold true for defining themselves as slaves. But they have no clue what these words mean.Be honest. If you want someone to beat you then fuck you say that.Get it real in your head. If your looking for the fantasy, stop being cheap and go to a Prodom. That’s why they have a market in the community.Or if you want to be fucked after being whipped, again stop being cheap and go to a prostitute who will whip you then fuck you. There is a market for that as well. If you want to serve and say you do, know what service is to you, then go to place were there are dominant women and listen, really listen to what service is to them. Ask them what service is. The definition might be the same.If your idea of service is eating pussy that might be service for some women, but not all and honestly it’s really just serving you. 

If you are lazy, you might want to think about were your place is in D/s or BD/SM for that matter.It’s hard work being a Top, likewise its hard work being a bottom. You might get luck and find a lazy top to your lazy bottom. But chances are if you come across someone who is serious about living an M/s, D/s life be prepared to work. Most times it’s not fun and games. Be willing to submit, I’ve never in all my years heard that a bottom had to wrestle a Top’s dominance out of them. But hear all the time that one wants to be made to submit. Either you want to submit or you don’t bottom line.

Learn to follow instruction, if you have a problem doing this you might not want to be in a D/s situation. Don’t assume anything. If you’re interested in someone get to know them, don’t assume that they are going to know that you’re interested in them. No one is a mind reader. Say you are. People are afraid of rejection. It happens on both sides of the whip. But if you’re willing to take a chance with finding someone to do all those “kinky” things to you, you have to step out there. You might fail but then again you might just hit the jackpot.  

The difference between a male Dom, female sub and a female Dom and a male sub is this: female subs pursue males Doms the way women pursue men, in the world. They may dress the part, they are flirty, and there’s a lot of eye batting. Where male subs may think there’s a difference in pursuing a female Dom. There isn’t it’s done the same way whether you’re at TES at paddles or on the street. It’s done the same way. You start with a conversation, some flirting and then maybe some eye batting. 

Get your flirt on Perverts  

Real FemDommes Don’t Do Housework

It’s official. I’m not real.  That’s what was thought of me from the other night. Now I know what the young lady meant by I was not what she thought, I was nice. I was not what she expected. I have no idea what she was expecting, I was invited to hang out have a few drinks some food and conversation. That was all. I was not invited to a fetish party, a Femdom party; I was invited to what was mentioned above. If had known I was going to be tested, or there was going to be a pop quiz, I would have come prepared with two number 2 pencils. But to have someone ask “is she a real Femdom”, well that just make me want to know what is real to them?

I have no control over what people expect when they met me for the very first time. I found it interesting that a few hours spent in the company of less then ten people one person could make a judgment call about me. Some people met me and assume I’m a bit of a snob, and that’s more of a true statement, then are you a real Femdom? 

I’ve been asked this before, my response to this is always the same, “you read Femdom fiction, right?” why is it that people don’t or can’t understand that because I’m a certain personality type and like my sex a certain way I’m to act, yes ACT like a bitch, or some other ridiculous way they perceive in their little minds.

That’s like assuming because I’m Black I like fried chicken and watermelon, and know Sidney Poitier. I was told because I asked if she wanted something and then went to get it I was labeled not a real Femdom, because only a submissive would do that. Wow, since when does being polite to another human being make me not real?

Here I am going through life thinking, since my family taught me some social skills, this is the way one was when they were raised outside the barn and not in side the barn. I guess I was wrong, if I call myself a Femdom I should just go around being a bitch, society be dammed!?!   

I guess I’m not real, if I was I wouldn’t have spent my only day free from work doing the following: 

Making my own morning coffee

Washing my own ass and dressing myself

Taking out the garbage

Going food shopping and having to pay for the food and carry my own bags home Putting away the food

Making my own breakfast and washing the dishes

Sweeping and mopping my apartment

Having to take a piss and not having anyone here to carry me to the bathroom and pull down my pants, wipe me clean then flush the toilet, pull up my pants and carry me back to the living room.

A couple of things, I don’t have anyone in my life right now to do some of those things. If I did have someone in my life right now, I don’t have a problem doing some of those things. I live in the real damn world and some of these things have to be done if I want to live a certain way. 

I’m so fucking fake! Real Femdoms don’t do house work. 

The commercial about a mind being a terrible thing to waste, was true. The sad thing about this young woman’s observation of me is this. She may come across someone who is just a prick/cunt and she’ll think she’s met the Dom of her dreams; when all she’s really met is an asshole. 

A couple of years back at TES I was a presenter at the dominate women’s submissive men’s group I presented on caning. I met a gentleman there, we exchanged numbers and went out a couple of times to Paddles, lunch we talked a lot about D/s. he was tiered of meeting woman who wanted to use him (not in the good way).  One day about three weeks in he asked when do we get to the femdom stuff?  Foolish me I though we were still getting to know each other. Although we did scene as it were at the club, he was ready for more. I was not, for me starting a relationship whether the goal is to have a white picked fence or to be hogtied and flogged, there has to be some courtship. 

Which is again my point about what is real, how is realness determined in one meeting? Real is what the two or however many people involved call it. Someone else determining for me what is real, if I’m real is bullshit. If you like slapping your mate around on the weekends, then go for it, if it about getting all done up in latex and speaking stern to your mate, go for it. If that’s how you roll, find your joy. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a certain kind of relationship and perusing that. That’s what most of us are doing.

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not interested in being in a relationship with someone who is not into being hit with things that might leave a mark, I’m a little bit of a sadist (okay a lot).

But I will have a conversation with a person. If there’s a common interest in other things I might even have the opportunity for friendship.  But to supper impose your one true way ideal onto someone you have not given the time and energy to get to know, says more about you then them. To me it says “please abuse me.”  

But I could be wrong <stepping off my soap box>  

Later perverts