Lady Sabrina and I got to talk last night about what we wanted in a slave/submissive or bottom. We came up with the same things, which lead me to believe 1. I’m not crazy for wanting what I want and 2. I’m not the only one that bullshit happens to. Not that I thought I was. But due to family matters I had been out of the public scene as it were for some years. But most of what was here when I stepped away is still here. Okay I am a bit idealistic and thought most things would have changed. But alas I find only the season did. This is some of the conversation we had. I didn’t bother to edit it or put who said what since we are on the same page most of the time.And not to worry we did also talk about what goes on, on the other side of the whip. Which I’ll get to in another post.
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It comes down to this, know thy self. Guys usually say they are submissive and they really aren’t. The same hold true for defining themselves as slaves. But they have no clue what these words mean.Be honest. If you want someone to beat you then fuck you say that.Get it real in your head. If your looking for the fantasy, stop being cheap and go to a Prodom. That’s why they have a market in the community.Or if you want to be fucked after being whipped, again stop being cheap and go to a prostitute who will whip you then fuck you. There is a market for that as well. If you want to serve and say you do, know what service is to you, then go to place were there are dominant women and listen, really listen to what service is to them. Ask them what service is. The definition might be the same.If your idea of service is eating pussy that might be service for some women, but not all and honestly it’s really just serving you.
If you are lazy, you might want to think about were your place is in D/s or BD/SM for that matter.It’s hard work being a Top, likewise its hard work being a bottom. You might get luck and find a lazy top to your lazy bottom. But chances are if you come across someone who is serious about living an M/s, D/s life be prepared to work. Most times it’s not fun and games. Be willing to submit, I’ve never in all my years heard that a bottom had to wrestle a Top’s dominance out of them. But hear all the time that one wants to be made to submit. Either you want to submit or you don’t bottom line.
Learn to follow instruction, if you have a problem doing this you might not want to be in a D/s situation. Don’t assume anything. If you’re interested in someone get to know them, don’t assume that they are going to know that you’re interested in them. No one is a mind reader. Say you are. People are afraid of rejection. It happens on both sides of the whip. But if you’re willing to take a chance with finding someone to do all those “kinky” things to you, you have to step out there. You might fail but then again you might just hit the jackpot.
The difference between a male Dom, female sub and a female Dom and a male sub is this: female subs pursue males Doms the way women pursue men, in the world. They may dress the part, they are flirty, and there’s a lot of eye batting. Where male subs may think there’s a difference in pursuing a female Dom. There isn’t it’s done the same way whether you’re at TES at paddles or on the street. It’s done the same way. You start with a conversation, some flirting and then maybe some eye batting.
Get your flirt on Perverts
“Male subs may think there’s a difference in pursuing a female Dom. There isn’t…it’s done the same way. You start with a conversation, some flirting and then maybe some eye batting.”
It may not be quite the same. There are contrasting dynamics at work.
By definition, the power is with the female Dom. So the male must be in the frame of mind to draw the Dom’s interest, to be pleasing to her and attract her. Can’t chase her in the way a ‘nilla male might do. That’s the always how the weaker approaches the stronger.
On the other hand, the female Dom wants the best, most servicable property. A thoroughbred she can ride hard, not a sorry, soft thing. She wants the strongest possible one to harness and control. Only Alexander could tame Bucephalus. The male has to be worth her attention.
Tricky to navigate between those two goals. (Bat, bat.)
Comment by jon — March 31, 2008 @ 6:53 pm
jon,
you said:
“By definition, the power is with the female Dom. So the male must be in the frame of mind to draw the Dom’s interest, to be pleasing to her and attract her. Can’t chase her in the way a ‘nilla male might do. That’s the always how the weaker approaches the stronger.”
This is true, but I think and I could be wrong, since I’m not a submissive man, that one can still show strength in thier submission. If that makes sence? He might not be chasing her in the ‘nilla way but in his strong, yet submissive way.
And yes, a Dom, this Dom does not want some soft sorry thing. The male has to be worthy, but so does the Dom. Yes? (flirty eye bat)
Comment by ldyraven — April 1, 2008 @ 1:16 am
The lady is absolutely right. The tension is exactly in that phrase — “strength in their submission.”
Not easy to balance. Strong enough to be of interest to her, able to take whatever she wants to do, but not too proud or independent to be owned by her.
PS: It’s so appropriate that the comment section has a “submit” button…
Comment by jon — April 1, 2008 @ 1:49 am
jon,
you’re right it’s not easy to balance on both ends I believe. He wants a Domme, someone who is in control, but there are times when she may show vulnerability. Does that take awy from her streath? Or does it add to the dynamic and bring the two closer?
And yes we all in this life ahve to submit to something.-hitting submit-
Comment by Raven — April 3, 2008 @ 12:23 am