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Brimstone

This past November I got the opportunity to attend brimstone, it was my first time at the event and I had no intentions of going since I’m not an even whore. Sir Top and Bonnie out of Florida were presenting  and asked if I wanted to get together. The first time I ever met them was at TESfest 2011. I was determined to get the organization which says it’s pansexual some sexual orientation other than heterosexual. So I pursued them and while at TESfest realized that not only are they great people they, like me don’t really care if we are the “cool” kids, we are to each other.

Back to brimstone, as I said I just went to hang out with Top and Bonnie, but during the weekend I did attend a few classes. Needles, bondage, cutting and blood are a few of my favorite things, needless to say I was going to check them out.

First up needle predicament, I love needles and bondage and am always open to learn something new. So off I went. Let me say that I didn’t stay for the whole class

A cutting and a blood and fire cupping, both were very well taught and it had been a long time since I heard someone who knew their shit inside and out, answered all questions and was open to other possibilities.

Top and Bonnie give of themselves freely and I enjoy our conversations and their energy. I’ve been screwed recently by someone I trusted. I am still a bit gun-shy but it’s good to be  with Top and Bonnie. In between classes we talked a lot, and laughed a lot

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The week of Hell

As if this week was not the beginning of the holiday from hell Christmas. It was also the week I had two meetings at TES, which wasn’t bad, if only I had gotten to bed before midnight only having to get up and go to work the next morning. And contrary to popular belief I do not have a legion of slaves at my bidding. If I did I would have had my laundry done, my apartment cleaned and food shopping completed, as well as having a home cooked meal and a cooked meal for lunch the next day to take to work. But alas, none of that is so, but I digress.

This week I went to hear Darrell speak on compare and contrast BDSM v.s Swinging. The group was small, so we sat around very informal and discussed the difference between the two and the how’s and what’s to expect at different parties. What I found interesting was that everyone acts like the internet is the peoples savior, when in reality at least for me, its been a curse. Not all deviance is alike. The internet has brought together communities that have different expectations. I will not go into them here you can guess what they are? You can can’t you? Overall it was a nice discussion, even if it was mostly about helping a swinger find others like himself. And it was good to see Darrell.

The very, I mean very next day I co-hosted the dominant women’s submissive men’s groups holiday party. Lady Sabrina did most of the work, I just came in and got fussed at by Lady Sabrina for talking. It was a lot of fun, I was socializing and chatting up folks. Then I entered the deck the ball contest, and believe it or not, I lost, lost I say, curses. Actually the conversation I was having while thinking how I wanted to deck my balls was the best part for me. I had to lose since I was the co-host and Miss Manners would think it bad manners if the host won at their won party. I had several great conversations with some of the gentlemen that were there. It kinda makes me think there is some hope in the scene. Kinda, then I had to got to work early the next day. To say I was dragging ass is an under statement.

 

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California Dreaming

Last night I had a dream about living in Florida and woke up to the smell of good coffee. Normally my dreams take place in New York, I’m a New Yorker, but since I’ve come back from Brimstone which was held in Jersey I’ve been dreaming of Florida. Sir Top and I have some really good conversations and although we are most times all over the place with what we speak about that weekend was mostly about me moving out to Florida. I’m not oppose to it actually I want to move out of New York and mentioned this to her, at the same time she was speaking about how she wanted to live in a couple of years which included having the right kind of women live in what we joked all weekend as the compound. She has a 5 room house three with bathrooms two where the bathroom is outside of the rooms, granite marble, professions stove new frig and a pantry. Hell she had me at pantry. Her house sits on several acres of land and separate from the house is another room which serves as the bed and breakfast part of the house. Below the house is a 900 square foot dungeon.

She knows how she wanted to live and it’s about finding the right combination of women to live communally. I’ve lived communally in the past my mother was a hippy and looking back that must be why I’ve had the kinds of relationship I’ve had with the small circle of friends which I would say lived communally. My only issue is that I would have to find a job, but I was serious about considering it. Since the event was by the beach I made it a point to go and say prayers to the Goddess and do ebo, it had been a very long time since I’ve been to the beach and I there was no excuse not to pay respects.

The weekend continued but I always had Tops offer on my mind. There is nothing here in New York keeping me here, although I would miss my spiritual community and the very few friends I have here, sometimes I have to do what’s best for me. I prayed for guidance, and told Top what I was thinking and some of my concerns. Which was discussed, and I’m sure we’ll discuss some more; secretly I’ve made a commitment to visit Florida twice in the coming year. This means I’ll have to shake off my fear of flying. The first test will be going to Beyond Leather this spring. On the ride home we were about twenty minute away and I already started to miss Top and Bonnie which struck me almost to tears, my phone rings and it’s Top saying come back we miss you. I had to turn my head because my eyes got watery, and are watery even now as I write this. I was dropped off home safe and sound thanked maidfifi and made the trek up the flight of stairs to my apartment. There waiting for me was an envelope from my landlord. I knew my rent receipt was expected and thought that was it, threw it on the table to deal with in the morning. As I was dowsing off to sleep I realized that I got my rent receipt before I left and got up to see what was in the envelope. It was a request to renew my lease. Maybe the Goddess was telling me something since I usually get this at the end of December.

So it’s not so strange that I’m dreaming about Florida, but the coffee is what made me smile while waking up.

I dreamt I had moved to florida and had met a woman on one of my visits, as usual I was having a blonde moment and on my last night there before coming back to New York, we were all sitting around talking and goofing off. It was late and she asked me to walk her to her car, which I did. We were standing by the car and she looked at me and said,

“Sir, you know I like you right?”

“I like you too.” I said. She said,

“I know you don’t want to be a man,” she said, “but you’re such a man.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

She took my hand and held on to it placing something in it.

“When I say I like you, I mean I like, like you. That’s my number call me if you want when you get back to NY, I want to get to know you better.” And she got in her car and drove off. I was standing there looking at her number. When I went back inside I asked everyone there is they knew that she liked me? To which I got a resounding YES.

Hence why I might be dreams of living in Florida, and waking up to the smell of coffee, I want to think that my mind is telling me something, but I think it’s more wishful thinking and that’s okay too.

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If you’ve ever get to met me you’ll know I’m not the most feminine  woman. Actually I’ve asked a few people if they thought I was feminine and I always get laughter. I also get laughter when I ask people if they think I’m butch? Rick told me that when he describes me to people he says ” whether she’s in wearing a dress or pants she’s who she is. The aggressor.” I’m not sure what that means but on some level I agree. That being said have a listen toDan and Dawn and leave a comment if you like what you hear.

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That’s what friends are for

I’ve wanted to write about a few things I’ve been thinking about but haven’t had the way with all to do so.

If you know me I’ve often compared myself to old yeller (from a movie of the same name about a boy and his loyal dog, which dies at the end, or rather gets killed) but I digress. I’m not one to have many friends because I know this about myself, about my loyalty that is. When I was younger I didn’t and more times than I care to remember got the shitty end of the stick. But hey that’s what youth is for right?  With time come age and with age comes experience if you’re lucky in most cases. At this point in my life friendship is important not because having friends says something about me –oh, look how cool I am- but for me it says –I accept you for who you are, warts and all and believe me I have warts. Likewise accepting someone as a friend says the same about them.

Friendship in and out of the BDSM scene is no different, we have common interest, we don’t have the same interest, we agree on something, some we don’t, we speak our minds, and we bite our tongues. And if by chance we tread to heavy on one’s feelings we work past it and let it go. We look out for each other, but sometimes have to let them find their own way. We talk every day and some time not for days.

At the end of the day we are still friends.

So what does all this have to do with anything? Well, nothing and everything. If you’re lucky enough to come across someone who becomes a friend treat them as such and if the day comes when you no longer can leave. Its better that way, just ask old yeller. 

 

Confused? I love this quote from one of my fav books.

“ Which road do I take?” (Alice)

“Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know,” Alice answered.

“Then, said the cat, it doesn’t matter.”

“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”

 

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New York, New York

You got to love the NY scene, as I’ve written I am running for the position of parliamentarian of TES. Not many of the membership showed up for the meet the candidate’s night to ask questions, but it was a good showing and a lot of good question were asked. People have some great ideas, granted they have never served on the TES’ board, but still they get a gold star for putting their hat in the ring. What I find interesting is that many of the candidates that have not served before complained about why there are so many board members on all the committees. It’s like being a child, you get up and go to use the bathroom and after you take a shit you wipe your ass never wondering how the toilet tissue got there only caring that it is. Every month there’s a call for members to join the various committees and the same people show up, board members. Last year I wanted to see some change to TESFest2011, and joined the TESFest committee to see it happen and it did. I wanted to see different programming at TES and although I don’t go to the meetings (due to work) there is the option of sending in request, ideas to the committee via email, which I do. I look forward to the new board and wonder if those great ideas that some have will be kept to themselves if they don’t win, which would be a shame. Since they claim to love TES and want to see it grow and change in a positive direction.

We will not know what the outcome of the election is until September, hopefully I’ll post something before then.

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What I’ve learned from the the next generation

When I say what I’ve learned I really don’t mean I’ve learned much, What little I’ve learned is that very few of them are open to get their education from a source other than the internet.To the few that do seek information, may the Goddess bless their hearts.

As my three-week vacation comes to an end, I had a wonderful evening last night. It’s been a long time since I had such fun with a woman who didn’t end with us swapping spit. The conversation was a mix of silliness (which I love) and some serious deep thoughts about walking in this world as a women, and the people we meet and have met. We are very similar in how we express our sadism with no apologizes. Some things that came up in our conversation that I’d like to put out here in the off-chance that it might help someone on their journey.

Fetish: a fetish in this style of life is a sexual arousal to an object. Having a boot fetish means that you and or someone else is turned on by wearing or seeing someone in boots. There are some parties around town that throw fetish parties, these parties should not be confused to have any BDSM going on there maybe some activities, but it should be noted that most times it’s about spending far too much money, getting dressed up and standing around. This is what some call SM (stand and model).

Old Guard: There are plenty of debates on and off-line about the old guard. Here’s the deal as I see it. We are all at one time going to be old guard. In the black community it’s called old school, and like in that community they too will be old school in time. Or as some call me old money and if they keep saving their money they too will be old money. :)

The phrase “in order to be a good top you have to bottom” is something else that folks like to throw around. Is this true, I would not know, since I’ve never been a bottom in this sense. What gets me is that some folks do not even bother to ask why some people think this is true. From what I understand and have only heard the generation or two before me say is that, they entered the scene as bottoms, why? Because in the gay scene they follow a military style which means everyone who enters starts at the bottom and works their way up, hence the military style. Enter as a private and working your way up through the ranks with mentorship. Then making the decision to whether continue as a top or a bottom, It should also be noted that top and bottom in this instance is used as your position. I should also mention a few more things about the position top and bottom.

Tops are not necessarily sadist or dominants some tops are just tops. On the other hand bottoms should not be assumed to be submissive, slaves or someone who is into service. They are just bottoms.

Mentorship: mentors in this life are not really looked for the way I’ve seen it in the past. But there are a lot of excuses. I was in a room with at least five experienced people with a wide range of skill and we all sat there listening to the rest of the room kevech about the lack of mentorship. Here are a few things the experienced was saying:

You have to get to know people and if you feel they know something you want to learn as them to teach you.

Observe people you may think you want to be your mentor.

If you see someone you may want to mentor you check out their character ask around about them, talk with them and get a feel for how they live this life.

Now before folks get their whip all tangled up, age does not equal experience, but with age comes experience.

Ask people who you already know and respect if they can recommend someone to mentor you.

All of the above I’ve done and I’ve had some really great mentors and learned who to stay away from.

Of course most if not all of these thoughts can be found on the internet, which I mentioned to someone. And I was told, the internet has some much within it that it’s hard to find what you don’t know you’re looking for. This is very true, which is why it’s so important, to get from behind the computer and your social networking sites and get out and get social. And by social I mean meeting people.

 

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Don’t talk about it be about it

The last time TES held elections I ran for a position and that experience along with others I’ve experienced since then made me contemplate some things about TES. A lot can and has been said about TES, the good the bad and the downright ugly, not necessarily in that order. At TESFest I attended a panel discussion; at one point I said to one of the panelist don’t talk about it, be about it. And since I know that if I point one finger at some one/thing, three are pointing back at me. To that end I’ve thrown my whip into the fray and am running for parliamentarian of TES. I didn’t make the decision to run, for the glory of running, anyone who has worked on or participated on a committee and or board knows dealing with many different personalities is no picnic. Or is a picnic with an army of ants, or put another way is a challenge in and of itself. So I’m going for it, if nothing else it should prove to be an experience, and there’s nothing better to help me grow then being about it, then talking about.

Here’s hoping to see folks at TES on Aug 23

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My last post might have been a bit rough, but like I always say “if it ain’t rough it ain’t right.” So today I’ll be a bit less me. Let me first say that I don’t want to give the impression that I’m perfect, hell I’m not and I know it. But what I am is efficient , if I’m asked to do something I feel I can I will, come hell or high water, I’m secure in myself also to say when I don’t think I can do something. That’s what I think grown -ups should do. Granted I can’t make folks do what I want, the world would get real boring real fast, but I can lead by example. I can’t, not that I’m trying to lay blame; I’m well aware how I got here (by here I mean to writing that post). I wanted to see something different then what was given in the past and wanted to add to the program. That to me mean’s you put on your big boy/girl pants and step up. So I did and in doing so I’ve learned a great deal, hence why the previous post was titled “how sausage is made. “ now that I got that off my chest moving on.

So let me put on some music and get to it. The bird and the bee

I’ve been made a moderator of two groups on FL, one being the dominant women’s submissive men’s sig group for TES. The other is LeatherFirst-NYC a group that came about two years ago over a conversation about the lack of leather organizations here in NY, now you maybe saying really it’s NY? Yeah and that is some, but not all of the problem. GMSMA folded, and the leather bars went to the same place all the fun (albeit raunchy) places went on 42nd street under a certain mayor. Quality of life my black ass. So one night LeatherFirst-NYC was thought up. Rawhide being our home bar and the last of the leather/levi bars in NY. Sure it’s turned into a neighborhood bar over the years but it is a leather/levi bar.

Okay side note: 1. although Rawhide is a gay male leather bar, woman are welcomed in and have a lot of fun I might add.   

2. If you order a cosmo thinking with all the fun you’re having you feeling like one of the women in sex in the city. The bartender will make you wear a feather tiara, and people will look at you funny, Yeah in the gay bar people will look at you funny.

About the group, LeatherFirst-NYC the newest group in the NYC area, with a primary focus on the Leather Community and Culture. Holding educational seminars, fun NYC Leather-tinted outings like the upcoming Leather Horror Picture Show, and are a group of like-minded individuals who seek to share and gain knowledge about Leather. LEATHERFIRST-NYC has also been hands on in the ‘resurrection’ of NYC’s Oldest Leather bar, with aiding the production of thier Mr. Rawhide-NYC Leather competition.

So if you have an  interest in either join the group and the conversation.

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How sausage is made

As I’ve written in the past I am working with the TESfest team to put together and promote TESfest2011. And I’ve realized why I don’t like working with people who don’t have their shit together. And also why the running joke with me and another person is that we are the slaves we are looking for. In January the M/s track which we were working on was almost done, we were waiting for some confirmations and realizing that the holiday season had just pasted and it would take some folks time to get back to us. But low and behold they did before the month was out. Got to love those M/s folks. At the next meeting we had all of our  confirmed and waiting for the next step, which was how they were going to be rooming.  Those questions where never answered and as time went on I saw just how un-organized people were/are. It was frustration to say the least. I know people have lives, and family obligations and jobs but really this was a hot mess. And with every meeting I grew more and more frustrated. At the February meeting we were asked if for our list of people and the classes they were doing. Huh? WHAT THE FUCK, we gave everyone a hand out of this information at the January meeting.  And we also forwarded their confirmation email. I say again WHAT THE FUCK are you kidding me? it’s February we are suppose to be past this. Right? I should have tapped out back in October, why well read on.

We were told the call for presenters was going to be put up in November, which it wasn’t. That happened in December. Then we were told the call for presenters would end in January, which made no sence to me, since to call for presenter went out late. And when it finally was taken down the end of January we were still getting request, which isn’t a bad thing but damn it.

Breath.

Breath.

I kept thinking to myself didn’t they do this last year why is it so hard? I know I’m the new kid on the block but REALLY?

On a side note which has nothing to do with BDSM. A few years ago I had to put together a big ass get together for the elders in my spiritual family as part of my obligation to my Godfather.  There were several parts to this get together. And the “community” has nothing on how formal this was to be. Here’s the cliff notes version. Find a place to hold the event. Put together an invitation list and print and send out the invitations. There was to be a dinner with appetizers, and drinks the actual event which included live music and singers, the formal dinner and then the thanks you’s (which were gift bags). And all of this was to be done by my Godfather’s godchildren, yep you guessed it he only has one. ME, oh and I didn’t even bring up the animal scarifies that had to be made ahead of time. Hey it’s pagan. Any way I had to pull this together all in a matter of three months. All within the budget I had and a couple of thousand dollars was streched within an inch of Andrew Jackson’s life.  It was not easy and all with a full time job. That project management course I took at work came in handy like a motherfucker.

So back to the original post, to think people have been doing this for several years made me want to take a chair and throw it at someone. In March, things were slowly coming together, and yes we were asked yet again to present out presenter’s list and classes. Did I mention this event is to take place in July? This upcoming July you ask, yep this upcoming July. I can’t wait until this is over. There’s a saying, people like sausage but don’t know how sausage are made. Or something like that. This is how I feel attending these meetings. Hopefully thing will be tightened up in May, because April has been an even bigger hot mess.   

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